Wednesday, March 19, 2008
i find it so damn hard to confide in people that i want to scream sometimes. it's supposed to be therapeutic to rant to people, ya'll know.. so why do i always feel as though i have something lodged in my throat whenever it comes to something personal.. it always seems easier to talk about Someone else's problems..
maybe what someone said about me in the past was true, i Am afraid of others judging me after all. act crazy and oh-so-sarcastic as i may, i am just one screwed up fake selfish human being with a queer tiny aortic pump, very bad time management skills and no idea whatsoever to do with her life. also, i need to start caring for those who care and stop caring for those who don't. i need some dignity, i need to get rid of dependency.
i've gone through this so many times. so many bloody times. it's always half-resolved then i'll plunge back down, even though i Know how it will turn out and i'll get angry (with myself) and get all hurt and aching over again. what's the point when you don't learn from your mistakes? and when you look back and see yourself doing the same thing all over again? isn't one time enough? once bitten, twice shy!
i hate feeling Out of sorts. i want myself back. Now. this has been far too draggy for anyone's good. even fate has a funy way of showing it, playing feeling the same way all over again by norah jones when i was all alone at serene, trying to find something in between the numbness.
i've deleted my phone's memory to the oblivion if that's possible, even my saved messages folder is gone for good, even though it was deleted by accident. its for the best. i'm throwing away my sketchbook and deleting all the files. it is about time.
un moment à se rappeler
. a moment to remember.
