Tuesday, December 18, 2007
the Question on Ambiguity
i desire the definite.
but i've allowed myself to live in ambiguity:
between and beneath the lines.
(i don't blame you though i admit i used to, because i realised it is as much of my choice as it is yours)
I chose this path not out of love or neccesity (i'll spare myself the self-pity) but of mere selfishness-
for there does not seem to be any other way else
for me to scavenge these moments or hold them tightly in my fist to savour them
pressed against my skin.
they make slight indentations but they never do last, they fade and i try as i might, i
Forget.
---
that aside, my feet are aching. carolling at hospitals are always bittersweet and slightly awkward.
if anything i wish i could have picked up a dialect or two when i was younger. maybe i should start now, better now than never.
i always wonder and imagine what i would feel if i was a patient watching me, watching us and truthfully it isn't at all a happy feeling. despite gratitude, there is an overwhelming feeling of loss, awkwardness and loneliness.
then i think to myself: are we bringing more misery than joy?
:/
un moment à se rappeler
. a moment to remember.
