Thursday, May 29, 2008
saltyknees.wordpress.com
:)
un moment à se rappeler
. a moment to remember.
Monday, May 19, 2008
today i'm feeling strangely relieved and as though, something died in me.
i guess this is it.
so i will be saying goodbye here.
thank you readers. it's time for sze, to move on.
those were good times.
goodbye, goodluck.
un moment à se rappeler
. a moment to remember.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh.
:( :(
un moment à se rappeler
. a moment to remember.
i refuse to feel this way.
no-no-no-no-no.
i once wrote a poem about an onion and gave it to a friend of mine.
i once wrote a poem about an onion and gave it to a friend of mine.
i once wrote a poem about an onion and gave it to a friend of mine!
why the hell did i do that/
Onions make you cry.
un moment à se rappeler
. a moment to remember.
i have spent a good part of the morning worrying over not hearing from nus. what a waste of time.. heh
i know there are so many more things to life than just, well, another university acceptance/offer/rejection.
and i am not even talking about the more tragic/life-and-death situations (i.e. myannmar, sichuan, cyclones, earthquakes etc. ) :/
- just simply the things i take for granted such as education, making the grade, taking on extracurriculars i love.
i need to remember (gosh, this seems to be my phrase for the week/month/year?!) that a university education is a privilege, that choices (if given) are blessings not levers or self-effacing hedgers, that even the opportunity to try and make the grade is not that easily given and lastly, that the time i spend on enjoying extracurriculars is the time some people my age spend in factories working for their allowances.
everything's relative, eh?
un moment à se rappeler
. a moment to remember.
Friday, May 16, 2008
I hide myself within my flower,
That fading from your Vase,
You, unsuspecting, feel for me
--Almost a loneliness.
- I hide myself within my flower, Emily Dickinson
I have been feeling an inordinate amount of unnecessary 'emoness' this past few days, despite my well-meaning attempts to cheer my emo self up. (haha, have you ever heard of someone trying to self-prescribe happiness to themselves?!)
the days have been good, i can't complain..
work: scooping icecream with fun, wacky people. seeing happy families. ooh-aahhing over cute tots. :))
french: classmates = hilarious. teacher = really good!
bummin': seeing friends, sentosa (falling off the idiot-proof luge and getting scrapes and cuts :/), shopping, dinners, crazy conversations
but i still, still feel slightly empty and detached. heh, maybe i need anti-depressants Or probably less time to myself. that's what i told moonie, i need Activities so i will know what to do with myself. Anything.
I gave myself two tasks and I have completed the first one. Yet, there is still the second one. And I am tired. I want to stop. I no longer want to finish this task, yet I know I must. Yet, I don't want to know and I am Really Fine the way things are now. So what's wrong, can't I be lazy (and afraid and hide in my vase?) because I know that I need to. Gawd, what kind of reasoning is that?!
Anyway, to end on an optimistic note:
There are many things I wish for;
but there are many things that have already been given without even a wish.
And for simply that, I ought to be happy and thankful.
un moment à se rappeler
. a moment to remember.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
i am so unbelievably tired after working and studying french today.
it was a terribly rainy day. while i was walking to work, i was once again seized by this inexplicable want to throw my umbrella aside, jump into the many puddles, run, sing and swing at the swings by the playground. the rain can make me so happy, stormy and sad at the same time. :)
i'm very tired emotionally and i want to settle this asap (pronounced as a-sap by people at work).
could i please settle this soon. please?
I pick a book up.
Turn the sheets down.
Take a deep breath and a good look around
Put on my pjs and hop into bed
I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead
I try and tell myself it'll be all right
I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause
Dreams last for so long
even after you are gone.
un moment à se rappeler
. a moment to remember.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
i read this. (http://waltzinthe-eveningglow.blogspot.com/ - read May 8th's post on carter, pulitzer photo and others)
and i just want to say that, i wish too, like my dear friend who wrote this, that i could be a better person.
for every tear i shed for my own problems in self pity (?), there are so many more left unshed in the world by people who far less fortunate than me.
i need to remember that. and i need to start living and thinking not for myself, but truly for others. i need to remember.
a broken heart is nothing compared to a heart that has stopped beating-
un moment à se rappeler
. a moment to remember.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
- A Beautiful Mess, Jason Mraz
I'm so scared. I want to keep it the way it is now, but now I'm forced to make a choice. I'm forced to the point that I Have to confront the problem to move on with life. I have to make up my mind and heart. I can't hide in ambiguity any more. And pretences. And all the subconscious naivety.
So I can only beg for your understanding. I am sorry for imposing. I am sorry for lying. I am sorry for feeling this way. I am sorry that it will have to come to this. I am, more than you can ever begin to understand or know, deeply sorry.
Sorry.
un moment à se rappeler
. a moment to remember.
